are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
