Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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