Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
