You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
