let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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