Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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