please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
