i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
