Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We are two peas in an std pod
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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