i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
