I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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