Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
