Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
