who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize