We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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