These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
