so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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