How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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