direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
