wat bout pragnant strippers??
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
