i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
