yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
