I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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