so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
