i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
