I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
