I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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