Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
