I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
