My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
