I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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