the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
