He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
