There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
