she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
