Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
