So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
