if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
