Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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