Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
