I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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