final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
