I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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