Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
