Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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