oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
