She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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