You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
