Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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