I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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