just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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