i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
