The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
