This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
