So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
