Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
