she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
