Where did you get a picture of my penis
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
