we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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