chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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