Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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