Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
