this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
