Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
