I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
