Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
