Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
