a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
