ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
