I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
