bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
