Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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