I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
