she was so not down for the gang bang
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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