Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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