Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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