I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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