how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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